


Plot? What Plot?

by Dragaeth



Series: I'm learning how to write in these [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Master of Death Harry Potter, Metamorphmagus Harry Potter, Sane Tom Riddle, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26901634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragaeth/pseuds/Dragaeth
Summary: Harry goes back to his 11 yo body with Luna Lovegood (her mind doesn't break because seer protection or smth) to fuck shit up by not playing his destined role. Luna is there to keep him sane.I'm also gonna exploit a bunch of plotholesIm experimenting with writing styles here
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood & Harry Potter
Series: I'm learning how to write in these [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051109
Comments: 14
Kudos: 197





	1. Welcome to the wizarding...wait, what?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just doing some crackish writing till I'm confident in my abilities to write character interactions
> 
> What's the difference between crack and humor?? I don't know
> 
> Also im accidently giving this a cohesive plot

Harry Potter has finished the whole killing Voldemort and himself getup, and ended up as the master of death. Tired of the whole Boy-Who-Lived-Twice shit, he decided to fuck up Dumbledore's plans and confuse everyone by getting himself and Luna Lovegood into the past and give slytherin a try. (he has the horcrux btw)

And now, he's in his magically expanded cupboard, with a TV and everything. He's expecting his letter today, but doesn't remember much else. He peered out of the cracks of the door to watch Aunt Petunia dye his uniform.

 _Hang on,_ he thought. _did Aunt Petunia actually expect me to go to a muggle school knowing full well I was a wizard?_ _That's bloody stupid! You can't get threatened by the headmaster of Hogwarts to take in a child and expect the child to not go to Hogwarts!_ He inwardly ranted, frustrated at her stupidity, and turned back to his TV. He really should've considered making a way to communicate with Luna. He is in dire need of intelligent conversation. 

While Harry was moping, he heard Aunt Petunia rap the cupboard door with the smelting stick and yell, "Make yourself useful and get the mail!"

He grunted back in response _. Did she actually forget the day he was to receive his letter?_ He discarded the thought as he inwardly grinned. This was the first event he would be messing up. Coming out of his cupboard, he carefully walked at his normal pace towards the door, avoiding suspicion. He then bent down, picked up the letters, and shuffled through them. In all its glory was his Hogwarts letter. _Ah, the classic cupboard under the stairs,_ he thought wryly.

He then proceeded to replicate his Hogwarts letter, and replaced the recipient name from Harry Potter to Dudley Dursley, and location from the cupboard to the 1st bedroom. Satisfied, he bunched up all the letters and repeated his actions from the first time around, and dropped the post on the table, dazedly staring at the envelope with his own name.

"Dad! Look! Harry's got a letter!" Dudley exclaimed, whamming his smelting stick onto the table. "And.. me too!" Dudley brightens, immediately snatching his letter off the table.

 _Act one, scene one,_ Harry thought, planning to send his memory to Luna afterwards. 

Uncle Vernon snatched away the letter in Harry's hands, and went pale.

"That's mine!" Harry exclaimed, mimicking his past, feeling a building of amusement.

"What's Hogwarts?" Dudley asked curiously, staring at his own letter. 

Aunt Petunia snapped and ripped away the letter from Dudley's hands. "Vernon," she prompted, shakily, eyes wide with horror, knuckles white around Dudley's smelting stick. The couple fled to their room and locked the door. 

Harry and Dudley hastily followed, shouting,

"I want my letter!" From a gleeful Harry.

"I want my stick!.. and my letter!" From an upset and confused Dudley.

While sending a slight compulsion towards Dudley to begin a tantrum and open the door, Harry wandlessly unlocked the door and positioned himself behind Dudley. 

"Why can't I have my letter?!" Dudley rattled the door fiercely. The lock stood firm, but he continued. "It's mine! I want to read it!" As he said this, the door opened. Dudley's angry figure took over most of the frame, with Harry's head poking out from the side. Dudley stormed in, grabbed the letter, and left the room, leaving a pathetic looking Harry Potter behind to face the two enraged adults.

There was a beat of silence, and then- "Out! OUT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" Aunt Petunia shrieked, face red, jabbing a shaking finger towards Harry. "I WILL NOT HAVE YOUR FREAKISHNESS INFECTING OUR FAMILY!" 

Haha. WhoOps. He may have overdid it. She might actually murder him or something to prevent infection while knowing that's not possible. What a boomer.

Harry stumbled backwards towards his cupboard, gladly having an excuse to leave the house for good. He removed the luxuries installed and disillusioned himself. He apperated up to his caretakers' room to watch them panic. When they finally calmed down and decided to send him to Smeltings anyway, he left for Diagon Alley with that snake that wanted to go to Brazil who's now called Ares, whistling. Harry explained the whole situation to said snake and the dude quite willing to help cause some chaos. _Aunt Petunia birthing a child of magic would be her worst nightmare,_ he thought gleefully. It was the best type of revenge, making her unsure on how to treat her son. He had previously set a few pranks from the twins around the house, so they would be kept convinced of accidental magic and have an insecure love/hate relationship with Dudley. 

Once he reached the Leaky Cauldron, he morphed his appearance to have muddy red hair and a scarless forehead of age 40. People could still conclude that he was Harry Potter in his younger version, but couldn't say he looked exactly like James or had a scar just to mess with Snape. He politely asked Tom the barman to open up the entrance, and headed towards Gringotts. 

As long as you have gold, goblins are friends. Each business interaction is confidential, so Harry divulged his true age to them and helped them to avoid the future situation with Bagman. And in return, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was no longer Harry James Potter's magical guardian. He didn't do any duties a magical guardian was supposed to do anyway. 

After finishing all that jazz and withdrawing some money, Harry went to Eeylops Owl Emporium and got Hedwig again. He sent off his memory to Luna and went back to Privet Drive, sleeping in the park with a warming charm to wait for Hagrid. 

* * *

A week passed It was mid-afternoon, and there was now a mountainous sized pile of letters in the middle of the park. Harry had once wondered what would've happened if he wasn't in a house when he received the letters, but honestly, this result was ridiculous. He climbed the mountain of letters, and while sitting on top, he saw a giant man with a scraggly beard walk down the sidewalk.

 _yeah, no, this is getting out of hand. There's a literal huge half-giant in- wait no how the absolute fuCk did he even get here? Its a clear day outside! There's no disallusionment charm on the bike yet! And the man can't disapperate!!_ Harry thought, exasperated. Wizards were fucking nuts. Ah well, whatever. can't be weirder than having flying brooms instead of flying shoes. Honestly, what a waste. _Huh._ A _new project idea._

Harry stared Hagrid down as he approached the park, intentionally making Hagrid uncomfortable. 

"Er, heya Harry!..that's quite a lot o' letters ye got there." The man started nervously, looking up to Harry on the letter mountain. "Here's summat fer yeh. 'fraid I mighta sat on it at some point. But 'magine it'll taste all right just the same... Let's see now.. I've got it somewhere..." He trailed off, rummaging through his pockets. 

Opening the box, Hagrid revealed a crudely drawn "happy birthday, Harry," on the cake. 

Harry, playing dumb, confusedly replied, "er, sir? Who are you? And I don't take food from strangers." He scooted away slightly. Ares came out of shirt, looking threatening.

"Blimey, Harry, where do yeh think you're parents learnt it all?" Hagrid responded, eyebrows shooting up at the snake but didn't comment on it, completely ignoring the mount of paper.

"Learnt what?" Harry countered, preparing for far too much noise on the street. 

"What? Do yeh mean you know nuthin 'bout magic!?" He boomed on a street of muggles. "Yer a wizard, Harry! You're going to go to Hogwarts and learn magic!"

 _Honestly, he can't even-like. keep it down???._ He clung onto the edge of the mail hill, swinging his legs, tilting his head. "Ah. Do I have a choice in the matter? I'm sure there are other wizarding schools around. I couldn't respond to it though, I don't have an owl." Harry responded calmly, acting curious. "How did they expect me to have an owl anyway? Its absurd!" Harry started to stroke Ares, putting Hagrid on edge.

"Er, well" Hagrid started, baffled,scratching his neck. "Hogwarts is the best in Britain, and it's the safest wherever Dumbledore is. Yeh could've send a letter with the owl that was sent to ye." 

"Ah. Right. I'll go to Hogwarts then." Harry replied tiredly, already done with this conversation. 

"I'll send off a letter to Hogwarts saying you're goin'. Hagrid said with a bit more confidence. "I'm to take ye to Diagon Alley tomorrow to show you 'round and buy yer books." He rummaged his pockets for a fucking owl.

"Great," Harry responded, forcing himself to sleep to avoid further conversation, thinking on how he should also expand his pockets. 

* * *

Diagon Alley (only at the Leaky Cauldron, Gringotts, and Madame Malkin's because I hate writing Hagrid and repeating canon events is useless.)

"Hagrid! the usual, I presume-" Tom the Barman glanced at Harry. "And who might you be?"

"Ah, this is Harry Potter! I'm supposed teh bring 'im to Diagon Alley today!" he beamed happily, like the unintentional well-meaning asshole he is.

The pub goes quiet, then everyone surrounds Harry, holding out their hands and gibbering on excitedly. I _f only they would give me offerings instead of whatever Harry Potter fans do._ Harry sighed resignedly, looking through the crowd and picking out Professor Quirrel. He was the only person who can confidently say that he's supposed to have a scar and messy black hair, as he's literally hosting Lord Voldemort's wraith thing, so he's curious on his reaction. Quirrel made his way trough the crowd, and greeted Harry. "Harry P-P-Potter, c-can't tell you how p-pleased i am to meet you." he stuttered.

Harry looked at him, expression confused, trying to non-verbally convey that he doesn't know much about his fame. _Hello Tom,_ Ares hissed from under Harry's shirt. Startled, Harry turned away briefly to muffle his laughter.

"Professor! Didn't see yeh there. Harry, this is 'ere's Professor Quirrel. He'lll be yer Defence against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts." Hagrid interjected.

"F-feafully f-fascinating subject, n-not that you n-need it, eh, P-P-Potter?" Quirrel tried to joke, looking confusedly at his forehead with red eyes bleeding a bit into brown.

Harry, not wanting anyone to think he wasn't at abusive muggles for ten years and not wanting Voldemort at that moment to know that he speaks parseltongue, feigned confusion. "what do you-"

Hagrid, the unintentional asshole, didn't hear Harry and replied, "Yes, well, must get on. Lots ter buy." he pulled Harry away from the crowd. "See? Tol' yeh you was famous."

As Hagrid opened the entrance to Diagon Alley, it occurred to him that Dumbledore, the manipulative asshole, probably gave him that fame. he was the only person who could've reported on the event, as the place was under fidelius and couldn't be found by anyone else. Putting him at the Dursley's to be away from the fame was a shit excuse. If Dumbledore really wanted him to be away from all the fame, he would give him a new identity all together. 

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore just became the only one and the top on his new hitlist. Well, he was always on it. But this just validates it further.

* * *

The goblin teller drawled. "does Mr. Harry Potter have his key?"

"I've got it 'ere somewhere," Hagrid mumbled, not seeing the sneer on the goblin's face. "Ah, 'ere's the li'l devil. I've got a letter from Professor Dumbledore, its a letter about the _you-know-what in vault_ _you-know-which."_ He faux whispered, or he just doesn't know how to lower his voice. Either one.

"Very well. I'll have Griphook take you." the goblin stated, knowing the key doesn't work but had planned this when Harry first came.

Harry just played it out like he did the first time. When that was over along with the picking up of the Sorcerer's stone, Harry made a replica of the stone and swapped the copy for the real one. He planned to send it back to the Flamel's if they promise to never assist Dumbledore again.

* * *

Hagrid dropped Harry off at Madame Malkin's because Gringotts carts don't treat his stomach well. "Hogwarts, dear?" Madame Malkin said when Harry entered. "Got the lot here, another young man being fitted up just now in fact." In the the back of the shop, good ol' snooty Draco Malfoy was being fitted.

Madame Makin set Harry up on the stool next to him. "Hello, Hogwarts too?" Malfoy asked.

"Yes," Harry replied, this time trying to actually befriend Draco Malfoy.

Draco nodded. "My father's next door buying my books, my mother's down the street looking at wands. Then I'm going to drag them up to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first years cant have their own. I think I'll bully father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in, somehow. have you got your own broom?" He drawled, tilting his head.

Harry, now understanding that Malfoy was trying to hide his excitement by ranting in a bored voice the first time around, amusedly replied,"no, but how can you fly without getting caught even if you had a broom?"

Draco paused. "Hm. I'll get to what when we get to Hogwarts. Play quiddich at all?" Draco changed the topic.

"Yes, seeker," came from Harry's mouth before he could stop it. He inwardly cursed.

"Oh? me too! Father says its a crime if I'm not picked to play for my house and i must say i agree." Harry had his full attention now. "know what house you'll be in yet?"

Harry furrowed his brows, looking thoughtful. "I think I would say Slytherin, but it would do a lot of damage to my reputation. You?"

"I'll also be in Slytherin. My whole family has been in Slytherin. imagine being sorted in Hufflepuff I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" His snooty nose now tilted upwards in superiority.

Harry quirked his lips, amused. "Well, if you were in Hufflepuff, you can earn their loyalty and have them doing what you want. Everyone is so wary of the other in slytherin, it would be much harder to gain favors." _Wouldn't it be a great shock if a Malfoy ends up in Hufflepuff? Chaos is my middle name, after all._

Draco frowned. "I suppose that would work," he grudgingly agreed. He suddenly nodded towards the window. " I say! look at that man!" he sneered.

Expecting this, Harry responded. "Yeah," he sighed. "That's the gatekeeper Hagrid. Made a right ruckus at the Leaky earlier today. He's my escort." He said neutrally. "I think that's my cue to leave. See you on the train?" Harry added, stepping down the stool, wanting to see where this might go.

"I'll look for you," confirmed Draco.

Harry left Madam Malkin's feeling self satisfied and an increasing fondness for their old rivalry that will probably never happen again. He let out a loose chuckle _Harry Potter, boy savior, befriending his use-to-be long time rival he may as well befriend Riddle while he's at it.. T_ he absurdity of his whole life was starting to get to him, and he hasn't spoken to Luna yet.

* * *

Ares will become the ultimate troll

I WILL slip up and use American slang because ~je suis americane~


	2. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *casually accidentally fucks up his plans but that's ok because it becomes more chaotic*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just noticed a bunch of typos and grammatical errors from last chapter but I just thought up updating this fic so I'm doing that later and writing this chapter.
> 
> I attempted a bit of Snape POV at the end.

Harry arrived at the barrier of platform 9 3/4, and sat down at a bench with his shrunken trunk, waiting for the Weasleys to show up. He wanted to observe them, as they may have been set up by Dumbledore and didn't apparate, or there simply were too many Weasleys to side-along, because that's a thing (I'm looking at yall Weasley bashing fics). Besides, having the twins as allies would be really beneficial for alibis and and more chaos making. He watched as Molly got exasperatedly confused by the twins and shooed them towards the barrier, smiling while pushing Ron towards the wall.

 _Oh shit, I forgot about Scabbers,_ he thought suddenly, perking up from the bench. Heading towards the barrier for himself, he continued on his tangent. _Well i don't really need a godfather, but it would be nice to have Sirius back. But what excuse would I use to access_ _Scabbers_ _?_ He supposed he could claim to be a mini-Marauder to get the map and go like 'hey isn't Pettigrew supposed to be dead?' (whilst ignoring the canon plot-hole where twins just saw a dead mans name with his brothers and did nothing about it) and get Sirius freed legally. Or would he rather have a bit of fun, breaking Sirius out of azkaban while publicizing that he's his godfather? He mused, as he stepped into an empty compartment on the express. Ah, well, that's a problem for future Harry. Present Harry has to make Gryffindor friends on the train so he wouldn't be immediately publicized as a mini-dark lord. He was in the same compartment as last time, so Ron and Hermione were bound to show up. He's already acquaintances with Malfoy, so hopefully he would cut down on the insults. Speaking with Ares who was hidden his robes, he was attempting and failing to convince him to sit on top of his head during the sorting so Ares would be sorted instead of Harry.

_Come on! this is a once in a lifetime chance! It's just a personality test showing which trait is most dominant!_

_I will not have a mind reading hat put on top of me! If you make me do so I will tell Quirrelmort all your secrets!!_

.. _.You're a bit too Slytherin, even for a snake._ Harry shook his head fondly, giving up on the pretense that Ares might be something other than a Slytherin.

At this moment, Ron opened the door. Harry's head shot up, shoving Ares' poking head back under his robes, ignoring the threatening hiss of promise for revenge.

Ron looked at him nervously and asked, "Excuse me, do you mind? Everywhere else is full."

"No, not at all," he easily replied.

"I'm Ron, by the way. Ronald Weasley," he greeted, already semi-distracted by his packed lunch.

"Harry Potter," he replied, internally cringing at the Harry Potter expectations.

As expected, Ron gaped unattractively and stammered out, "So-so it's true? I mean, do you really have the...the..." He trailed off, looking expectantly at Harry.

"The what?" He asked, playing innocent and oblivious.

"Scar.." He leaned in, as if sharing a secret.

Harry tilted his head and projected as much confusion and innocence as possible. "What scar? Are all my scars publicized? I know I'm famous and all, but if people know I was getting hurt I think they would try to help me at least," he stated, frowning slightly. "Or is making children do chores at age four normal practice?"

Ron's eyes widened, brows furrowed and asked, "What do you mean, you di-"

They were interrupted by the trolley lady bringing sweets. Harry, wanting Ron to organize his thoughts and reevaluate what he knows of Harry Potter, bought one of everything off the trolley. He didn't really want most of it, but he wanted to emphasize he didn't know shit about wizards at this point if he wasn't a time traveler. While sharing his sweets with Ron, he spotted a certain rat with a missing finger. Opening a blue and golden chocolate frog package, he caught the frog and took off a single finger, and ate the rest of the frog all while staring straight at the rat. It was casual enough to pass off the finger breaking an accident, so if dear Peter didn't get the memo, too bad for him.

Hermione slammed the door open. "Have you seen a toad? Neville's lost one."

"No we haven't, sorry. did you ask the prefects to help?" Harry replied respectfully, internally panicking because Ron didn't have his wand out and didn't have an excuse to speak with her further.

"Oh, we haven't tried that, thank you! Let's go Neville." She rushed out, pushing Neville ahead of her.

And THEN Ron whipped out his wand complaining about Scabbers being a boring rat. He wanted to bash his head on something. _Is this how Voldemort feels like whenever I escape from him?_ He briefly contemplated. He supposed he could excuse Voldemort for being completely murderous towards him, but that didn't excuse him for the other shit he's pulled with magical Britain.

He forgot Draco Malfoy entered his compartment when he heard of Harry Potter being on the train from Hermione. He didn't introduce himself to Hermione. Malfoy probably just said he would look for him on the train out of common curtsy. He didn't go looking for Draco, expecting him to show up. 

He only realized this as he got onto the boats. He purposefully accidentally fell into the water. _Fucking let me drown,_ he thought, knowing he wouldn't actually drown. He was really bad at planning. Would he even get into Slytherin? He was rescued by the giant squid and came up at the Hogwarts entrance sopping wet and wondered if he would be dried. Hagrid isn't supposed to have a wand, so he supposed not.

The other students arrived. Neville just caught his toad. Mcgonagall gave her speech. the students were crowded away from a dripping wet Harry Potter, muddy red hair sticking to his face, half concealing his green eyes. The name calling went the same route, with Malfoy spending a second longer under the hat. Then...

"Harry Potter!"

Harry walked up to the stool, ignoring the intense gazes of literally everyone in the hall. A dripping wet, very unhero-like petite child sat on the stool, hat covering his eyes. His scar hurt a tad.

_fuck, the horcrux-_

_Hmm...difficult, very difficult. Plenty of courage I see, not a bad mind, either,_ The hat projected, seemingly amused. There's _talent, oh yes, and-_ SLYTHERIN! It bellowed, chuckling quietly to itself.

He handed Mcgonagall the hat, snapping her out of shock. He heard choking from his left. Presumably Snape, he thought wryly. Dumbledore's eyes lost its twinkle. Good. His invisible scar was really burning intensely now. The rest of the Hall was in a similar state, except the Ravenclaws and Huffleuffs. Huh. Some of them were actually smart enough to not have too many baseless assumptions. He heard Ron choke out a "what?!" as he walked proudly towards the Slytherin table, robes changing to green and silver, still dripping wet. It had just occurred to him that he was effecting Slytherin's image by being non-presentable. He really should stop acting on his impulses from self loathing and frustration, he internally groaned as he maintained a painful smile on his face.

Draco, thank Merlin, decided that he would be a decent connection to have and introduced everyone to him. The Slytherin table got its rounds of shock being told of Harry's last ten years, ensuring gossip amongst the whole of Hogwarts. Ron was still looking very betrayed. He really should've proposed to stay friends no matter which house they're sorted in, He mused, as they headed towards the Slytherin common room. Ah, well, as long as he didn't somehow interfere with the troll incident it should work out decently, he thought as he drifted to sleep in his green and silver sheets, no longer wet.

* * *

Snape, the conflicted bastard he is, went into his private rooms and sent a howler to himself to let off steam and to be able to react as someone receiving the letter.

"YOU KNOW THAT CHILD I WAS RANTING ABOUT? APPARENTLY HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER AND IS A BLOODY SLYTHERIN! I WAS SO READY TO HATE HIM! BUT HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HATE SOMEONE WHO LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE MY DEAD BEST FRIEND?" the letter bellowed in the privacy of Snape's quarter.

Why does he hate Potter? He's Potter's son. Why can't he hate him? He's lily's son as well. He vowed to protect him. He can't hate him, but desperately wishes to. why? James Potter bullied him for being a Slytherin. Harry Potter is in Slytherin. Hating Potter is illogical. Tell that to the sender.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

Pull up your barriers, Severus Tobias Snape.


	3. Harry does too much.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's very annoyed at Quirrel's tendencies.

Slytherin was quite wary of him, the boy-who-lived, but he didn't cause any trouble, so no one harassed him. Besides, he had a bloody snake and was introduced by Draco Malfoy, and you didn't want to get on the bad side of a Malfoy, because "My father will hear about this!"

He integrated into Slytherin house quite quickly, learning of the house politics. Draco had this vague control over certain purebloods, having an influential father. He didn't have anything to get done other than schoolwork though, so it just went unused. Slytherins as a whole just generally never snitched on each other and presented a united front, since there have been attacks on their persons from other houses for having death eater parents that may or may not have somehow affected their own families. _Huh, that's why Slytherins have such a bad reputation. those against Voldie were seen as for Voldie because they support their pals._ He realized, regretting not attempting to make any Slytherin friends in his first life. Though, to be fair, if he had any Slytherin friends, they would probably be ostracized by their housemates and be targeted behind closed doors.

Outside of Slytherin though, he was verbally harassed. He shrugged it off, used to the constantly swaying opinions of the public. He was glad to have Slytherin allies though, as a few stood up for him, generally calling them dumbasses for thinking that Harry ever deserved the boy-who-lived title. It was honestly probably an attempt to get at Harry in a guise of defending him, but that was a decent way to tone down his fame as well, so he didn't mind. 

Harry went about his dreadfully boring first year classes, careful to not succeed in transfiguration or charms. He wouldn't want to be named a prodigy after all, and have more public pressure to become a hero. He promised himself that he would excel in at least defense and potions, so he wouldn't have to limit his spell repertoire in duels he would inevitably have, and just to confuse Snape by using his own recipes. You can't call the youngest potion master's edits bad, after all. Especially if you are that potions master. Honestly, he shouldn't even be teaching, he's a great potioneer and should be inventing and selling potions.

Potions was..a bit of a surprise, honestly. He partnered up with Neville so his worst fear hopefully wouldn't be Snape. Snape asked him the same questions, of which he calmly answered. The sour man looked well conflicted, but the mask was up again, unreadable. Huh. He's not being told he's as arrogant as his father. Was it because he was in Slytherin or did something change? Hmm, ah well. Character development, he guesses.

The only class in which Harry would really pay attention was DADA. because, well, questions kept popping up in his head, like, 'Why vampires and garlic specifically? Why couldn't he possess another animal to assess the security measures of the stone? How did Riddle not know how to get past a Cerberus? The guy's a total nerd!' Well, he just mostly wanted the smell gone. 

What if... Can the diadem gain a corporeal body? Let's find out!

Harry excused himself from Hermione's passionate speech of following the instructions and sprinted up towards the seventh floor, invisibility cloak around him. He entered the Come and Go room, searching for the Diadem upon the shelves of questionable artifacts. He should find a time to go through them, he mused, trying to ignore the aching memories and hallucinatory smell of smoke. He picked up the diadem from the mannequin head. Last time, he didn't have the time to appreciate the beauty of such an item, too intent on destroying it. Now, though, the portrait in Ravenclaw's common room seemed meager to the actual thing. It had a delicate structure of twisting shiny silver, illustrating a pair of wings with a grand sparkling blue jewel in the center of it all. Too bad it was silver though, it didn't match his undertones. He didn't know how much time he spent admiring the piece, stroking every detail woven in. Realizing this, he tore his eyes away from the jewelry, taking back in his surroundings. The room of Hidden Things. Right. 

If he was in the room of Hidden Things, then he was a Hidden Thing too, right? Something stored away to be found and appreciated, just like he did the diadem. He frowned, finding something off with his offhanded conclusion. He was something hidden, yes, and he wanted to be found and appreciated. But why doesn't that feel right? His self prompting came up blank, coming up with no response.

He stood there, Diadem still in hand, listening to the peaceful silence of the room and mind. The emotional venture he has taken on since the time travel has been quite exhausting, and the quiet of the room was very welcome. He basked in the quiet, almost dozing off. He remembered his purpose of being there though, and left the room with the diadem, hiding under his cloak, moving sluggishly.

The next day would be when the troll incident would occur. His relationship with Ron was still wary, as neither has approached the other. It would also be the perfect time to place the diadem onto Quirrel's head, so he could put the diadem on him with his eleven year old body. 

He watched as the Slytherins students file out of the common room, Theo and Daphne lingering behind, waiting on Harry. They were a bit overprotective of him, witnessing a few Gryffindors attack him for being 'traitor' once. Daphne was a bit like Hermione, though she'd never admit it, and enjoyed researching obscure topics. Theo, unlike literally everyone else in his life, was actually emotionally intelligent and didn't get stressed about everything because he's a god. That's his only explanation. Do wizards have gods? It's impossible to be so organized and calm and have good grades without being a god. What is a normal peaceful life that Theo has just lost by being friends with him? He doesn't know. 

Getting up from his seat, hiding the diadem within his robes, he headed towards the great hall for the halloween feast with his new friends by his side. "Ten galleons bet that there will be a troll inside the school," he broke the comfortable silence, receiving baffled looks. 

"Er, sure?" Theo agreed, raising his eyebrows. 

"Why do you think there's going to be a troll?" He heard from his right, watching as Daphne tucked her hair behind her ear. 

He sat down at the table. "Well, something crazy always happens on Samhain. Like, once, my aunt took me shopping and there was a bunch of wizards just standing around greeting me, and there was one time where i apperated on top of a roof, and the one time i spoke to Ares in the zoo, and-"

"Ok, ok, we get it!" Daphne sighed with exasperation, causing Harry to form a wry grin and Theo to snicker. Rambling about his adventures was always fun, even if it was a bit traumatizing and didn't line up with the timeline. "But why a troll?"

"Er," _shit why did I make perceptive friends_ "because the world hates Potter and he only gets lucky of small inconsequential things, like bets," he half joked exaggeratedly, hoping she would drop it. She does. _phew._

He doesn't consider the possibility of Daphne thinking he's a seer.

Because then, Quirrel runs into the hall, screaming of a troll. 

The hall went in chaos, voices flying everywhere, wishing to be heard. When Dumbledore informed them to return to their common rooms, the puffs and snakes sneered. Such a _great_ headmaster, he would risk the students safety to protect the structure of Hogwarts. Well, that would be the only logical reasoning anyway. 

He tapped his friend's shoulders and whispered, "Granger doesn't know about the troll, I'll just go grab her and bring her to a teacher." He left before either could protest, heading towards the dumbassery that was Ron, making a stop to place the disillusioned diadem onto Quirrel's head. It would be risky, but, oh well. 

He found Ron, who was dragging his feet behind Percy. "Psst, hey. We're gonna go fix your mistake. Granger doesn't know about the troll." He startled the poor kid, who was looking wide eyed at him.

"Wha-ok," he weakly nodded, eyes darting around, hesitantly breaking off from the Gryffindors. They sped towards the second floor, locking the troll in with Hermione before freaking out and unlocking it, and knocked out the troll with its own club. How do trolls have clubs anyway? 

The professors Snape and Mcgonagall showed up, berating them for, uh, not going to the dungeons where the alleged troll sas supposed to be. Hermione still lied, for whatever reason, but sure. Bonding. It looked like it physically pained Snape to give him fifteen points, even if he was a Slytherin. They were escorted back to their respective common rooms, leaving Harry to be lectured on self preservation by Theo. Thoroughly exhausted by his adventure, he told his friends to lecture him tomorrow when he could actually be aware of what he was saying, flopped onto his bed snd fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just figured out what POV was in action. I guess it wasn't just me telling you what Harry was thinking while narrating his actions. Still working on it tho, I kinda figured it out halfway of this chapter.
> 
> I was originally gonna write about Hagrid's hut and the first clue but then i remembered the diadem and was like eh why not that would get rid of the garlic room, so that's what I'm doing.


	4. Harry takes a step back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the 2 voldemorts and 1 quirrel:??!??!!?
> 
> the 1 voldemort that ate the magic: ahah.. what the fuck i couldnt kill a baby? well, he's the enemy now
> 
> Also assume that if harry has items that don't line up with the timeline he just stole it.

Perhaps he has been a little hasty, he realized as Dumbledore announced Quirrel's absence. Riddle was probably freaking the fuck out about his diadem, hiding...huh. Did Riddle even have a house? He did, right? He stayed at Riddle manor and killed that old man. He didn't even know what making the horcrux leech off both Voldemort and Quirrel would do. Hopefully, the horcrux would become corporeal and combine the soul shards, recovering a bit of Voldemort's sanity. Hopefully. The worst outcome would be him hiding all the other Horcruxes... _fuck_. Diary, cup, locket, diadem, ring, himself. He can't break into the bloody bank, so that one is fine. The locket was misplaced, so that's chill. The diary and ring though, he had to get those. 

He didn't get them. 

He decided that he wasn't interfering with anything else he could've influenced, as he has already irrevocably changed the timeline. At least, that's what he tells himself, he's.. it's not because he's lazy. But if the world went to war again, he better not be involved. He'll just work on making peace between Slytherin and Gryffindor. However, the balance between being a Slytherin traitor and someone who has good interhouse connections, so he had to approach the right people. Sadly, Ron was off the list, he's a clear rival to Malfoy and he would probably be alienated in Slytherin just for that. Fred and George, however, would be perfect. they're liked by almost everyone, and they are Marauder fans, and, well,

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he said while walking past between the twins, giving them time to realize what he said.

"wait!" "what?" They said at the same time, speeding to catch up with Harry, looking at him curiously.

"Well, I thought you guys knew who the Marauders were, having Pett- uhh I mean Wormtail around." He walked backward facing them, shrugging. 

"what do you mean?" George frowned confused, sharing a look with his brother. 

"Didn't you know?" Harry's eyes grew innocently. "Ron's rat isWormtail in his animagus form. I thought he showed you the map or something." 

"You almost got us there," said Fred.

"Nice try, little snake, but you cannot prank the pranksters," George nodded seriously as Fred snorted, though faces troubled. 

"Well then, check the map. Pettigrew is always with Ron." He frowned, knowing the twins aren't blind. Last time they didn't discover it until third year though. "Actually, let me have a look at the map?" seeing their incredulous faces, he amended, "well, I am the son and godson of Prongs and Padfoot, and Moony will be teaching DADA in.. two more years?" he risked, wanting to see his map.

They nodded slowly, Fred reaching for his pocket at an infuriatingly lethargic pace. When the parchment was finally out, he snatched it out of his hands, murmuring the password and scanning the names. "Here," he shoved the map into their faces, wand pointing at Ron's name. "Pettigrew is Wormtail, and Ron's pet is a rat. Pettigrew's name is with Ron, so the rat must be Pettigrew. Convinced now?" 

"Yes but, how do you know this?" Fred asked, eyebrows raised, watching George's reaction of shock. 

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," Harry quoted from them, lips curled slyly. "Anyway, Pettigrew is supposed to be dead, and he's been in your family for like really long, so just turn him into the ministry." He informed him, grimacing, turning away to walk properly to the great hall, leaving behind two baffled twins.

\----

A week later, the headlines of the daily prophet stated: **Sirius Black Falsely Incarcerated? Pettigrew is alive?** He didn't bother to read the full article, humming happily with the knowledge that his godfather was finally out. Perhaps a bit mentally unstable, but hey, that makes it more fun. As long as he doesn't become depressed, that is. Ron looked greener than ever, pushing away his food. Percy was in a similar state, searching worriedly for Ron. The twins were disbelieving, although they were the ones to send him to the ministry. He glanced at the head table. Snape was glaring that the papers, probably pissed that Sirius rejoined society once again. He received a letter from Sirius, stating he was godfather and would be honored if he could fill that role after his time in st. Mongos. He replied with a yes, of course, after being presented with a lot of worried suspicions from his friends. 

Throughout the months, Harry got immensely bored. He knew all the class material and had nothing to do. Sometimes he hid away in the RoR to experiment with past student experiments, like that weird thing with five legs. It was dead, but studying its anatomy was very interesting. He had no goal, though. Well, actually, he could attempt to create a communication device like Hermione's DA coins, but less obvious for Luna. But that was boring, there was nothing stimulating happening around him. _Was this what Voldemort felt like? Did he become a dark lord because he was bored?_ Because he might do just that as a last resort. For now, he was content in bickering with Malfoy about who was the superior seeker, but his boredom resumed when Malfoy stormed off. He just wanted to be able to endlessly throw insults at someone who could return with a witty enough response to be entertaining. Sadly, he only had first years for company, occasionally joining the marvelous twins in their pranks. 

"Hey, have any of you tried pranking Dumbledore?" Harry inquired, trying to recall any event involving Dumbledore. 

"Alas, we have not."

"The wise one cannot be pranked." They sighed mournfully.

A slow, slightly manic grin stretched onto his face. "Two galleons bet I can pull it off," he stated confidently, scaring the twins a bit. 

"Deal," they agreed warily, slightly afraid yet delighted.

The next day, a teenage-sized Dumbledore sat at the head-table, spectacles able to frame his entire eye, however oddly. Speculation started up, suspecting him to be the new DADA teacher, though confused on why he was sitting at the headmaster's seat.

"He's too young to be a professor," Daphne stated disapprovingly, going back to his lunch. "I don't know what Dumbledore was thinking, hiring him."

"Daphne, that's Professor Dumbledore," he stated, hiding a smile. His friends just looked at him weirdly and returned to their food, probably denying the fact to themselves. They knew him well enough to know he didn't really lie as a part of his pranks, but that 'headmaster' was really quite handsome. They just couldn't see someone like that growing into someone looking like Dumbledore. The staff was probably informed of his appearance before as they didn't have a reaction, but it was still fun to let the students speculate. He let the word spread by the twins' mouth, mortifying the upper years who were ogling the Headmaster, hearing scattered exclamations of "what?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rly just made Harry indifferent to like everything huh. 
> 
> Just realized i ended the last 3 chapters with 'and harry fell asleep' and thats, not very good writing so i shall attempt to not make Harry sleep.
> 
> also do i make Harry think things or do i say he thinks things?
> 
> edit: wow my pacing is.. tres terrible.


End file.
